The Funny Things People Say

One of things I've noticed since getting married is that my husband David, is hilarious. Don't get me wrong, I knew he was funny before we tied the knot but now I get to see his funnier side more often. Here is a sample of what I get to enjoy on a daily basis.


David: I just woke up from a dream that I was eating a steak. When I woke up, my arm hurt and had bite marks. Watch yourself tonight my dear. Watch yourself.


After reading this text I was slightly confused. Is he serious? I showed it to ALL the girls in the office. Partly for their amusement and partly for their opinion. They weren't helpful. They all ended up asking me, "Is he serious?" I know David loves throwing me curve balls just for fun but this one seemed a little out there.


Candis: Are you serious?


It only took him a moment to reply...


David: No, I just told you a lie for no reason... of course I was serious, haha.


Now, I knew the danger of being fanged was real. I needed to know how risky it was to sleep in the same bed as him that night. I mean, if I wake up with bite marks all over and go to work, that's not good. I guess I could say I was attacked by some critter. That's partly true I suppose... So, as I contemplated this unusual situation, my lunch break came around. So Corin and I headed out for fast food and discussed the situation. I decided it would be to my benefit to inquire further into these bite marks.


Me: Take a photo with your phone. I want to see these bite marks.


David: No. You are going to show or tell Corin. You are so mean!


Holy cow, this guy reads me like a book. Corin and I were laughing so hard. Of course I was going to show Corin. Who wouldn't show Corin? So I tried to be sneaky.


Me: Why don't you trust me?


Sneakiness backfired.


David: Because you have already told her! I know!


Oh snap! How does he know me so well? We were just texting. I swear that kid is psychic sometimes. Anyways, after a little more banter he told me the marks had faded. Now, I won't know how bad it was 'til it's too late. I'm done for! I thought to myself. Then I realized I had one more shot.

Me: I'm sleeping on the couch tonight to avoid maulings. :) I still love you.


There, that should do it, I thought to myself. I mean, how could David be upset if I volunteer to sleep on the couch. I think it is beside the point that the couch is more comfortable than the bed.


David: Haha, please. I'll get you regardless :) I want to eat you up just like a cannibal, cause you're so sweet to me!


Haha those are the lyrics from his friend's band from highschool. At that point I was feeling the grip of defeat, I just had to wait to face it that night.


I woke up the next morning to find that I had a stuffed nose and was unscathed. Apparently, I was making awful sounds that kept David up. Who would've thought about that safety mechanism?

Oh! And one of the best parts is... I got a picture anyways :)